Sisters – scenes of a shower
‘She just doesn’t want to shower, basically never. Its been two weeks already’, says Patrick her care taker. ‘I’ll try before she goes to bed, I waited to wash my hair, maybe its gonna work again’, I replied.
How come little kids and the elderly often practice shower refusal, while kitty washing seems all right? Is it the undressing, the coldness of the wet skin to the air? Too much air movement between the drops? I remember how a full bath could be much more fun and sensually appealing when we were kids. Immersing in the ur-mother, playing in the wild ocean.
Well we had to get this shower thing rolling for the well-balance of the house and its inhabitants. So I make the first move – ‘Hey Lilli, how about we take a shower together again? I still have to wash my hair’. Her body turns into a ‘no vibe’ with a shy smile reply – ‘I don’t think so. Too cold.’ I take it in, wait a moment, let my pushy desire pass, before saying, ‘I’ll make it a warm steam room in there for us. Come.’ And without further inquiry or choosy brain focus, I make my body into a ‘yes vibe reality’ and with a gentle direct touch take her along my ride. Immediately her resistance subsides and I have green light to inhabit the vision. We get into the tiny toilet-plus-shower room to get undressed. Patrick had careful layed out all the utensils inside the room and on the chair outside. I get excited when scenarios are held by a Japanese ritual feel.
Lilli and I have known each other for about 30 years through our family ties. When my father passed away she reached her wise hand up high to touch my cheek. It made me cry.
Instead of reading the shower-resistance melting moment as an un-consenting to a dominance and submission dynamic, I like to see it as reality gaming. A game that never forgets, but forgoes power dynamics and rather plays with joy making where these was none. Attuned and responding to my partners body’s yeses and nos, I create a vision that seems desirable for both of us and turn on my energetic state of being to match the vision before it has fully happened. In order to take someone along and then improvise together with what’s happening, it is crucial that I really feel joy in the vision for myself and my partner, not just trick someone into an outcome of my will. That won’t work. Have you ever tried reading to someone in hopes they fall asleep? A total ‘more error in trials than successes’ kind of practice. Dealing with power dynamics makes it all even more precarious.
Both naked with Lilli sitting on the toilet seat an me kneeling in front of her, our hight difference is better balanced and the faux parent-child appearance had room to shift. At 85 Lilli’s small frame, full breasts and cheeky smile made me sense her sexual powers of the past and present. ‘Can you lift your beautiful sister, so I can water you underneath?’ She laughed and lifted them up. Why am I worried about my body aging? Seems so silly in the presence of the softest skin, sweetest rolls and most precious folds.
I hand her the shower head and ask her to wash my hair. She readily receives. Something familiar popped into her gestures, a habit, a sureness in her moves. Maybe the decades of child care switching up her mode from frailish to secure. It feels so good to me, the water, the action, so caring, so motherly, to have my hair watered, lightly rubbed and touched by her. Closing my eyes, we keep giggling and chatting as the little room and mirror steams up. She jokes, interrupted by deep belly laughs, ‘what if the boys would see us in here like this!’ ‘Ha, what a great movie scene!’ I add, with my own laughing doing it’s thing.
As everything is unfolding I wanna feel my senses and seeings as present as possible, so it can inscribe inside of me, this special, joyful moment with her that I shall not forget.
We finish drying and puzzling our cloths back on in the tight, wet shower room, before emerging like new, like stars from a classic movie moment. Llli with her wet hair slicked back and me with my mascara running all around my eyes.
After a shower repetition assurance talk and sweet relief hug with Patrick I walk into the bedroom finding Lilli already under her covers and chatting with her son who sits on the bed. She is full of liveliness and recognizable animation. A little time window opening, with the confusion, quiet, introverted symptoms washed away for this pre-dreams family gathering. We share some hugs and kisses. Then I leave. ‘Good night y’all, see you in two weeks.’